Hey, what’s up State College? This is Barkley Battista. You may have heard of me previously in one of Joe Battista’s columns. I get to walk Big Daddy Joe around our Stonebridge neighborhood 3-4 times a day and even let him come sit on a bench when I hang out with my friends at Tudek Dog Park. For an old guy he’s OK — he’s actually my best buddy, and we do a lot together.
If you are new to this column, my adoptive dad has been writing a bi-weekly column since 2009. I wanted to give my pal a break for Father’s Day, so I told him I’d write this week’s column from my point of view.
Joe and the Battista family adopted me in October 2017 from Centre County PAWS. You may remember my story — I’m the one who ran away back then shortly after they brought me to their house. I mean, what did I know? These people were strangers, and I was just 4 months old. I had just lived in several foster homes and another doggie hotel like just PAWS in a place south of here that was a lot hotter. Despite that rather inconspicuous beginning, we have had a great time over the last four and a half years on Williamsburg Drive.
When I first met Joe at PAWS, he sat down next to me and I gotta tell you that dude freaked me out. His voice sounds like he gargles with rocks. He kept petting me and saying how handsome I was while I was shaking like a leaf because I didn’t know who this character was or what he was planning to do!
He started talking into this little box all the people carry around with them and he said, “Heidi, you and Brianna better get here fast ‘cause I just found the cutest dog ever.” OK, I gotta admit I was flattered. But after being bounced around from one dog hotel to another my siblings and I were kinda hoping we could hang out in this PAWS place awhile. It was a lot nicer than our last accommodations.
A little while later, this Heidi and Brianna show up and they start fawning all over me and petting me and talking about some other dog named Sportster that I guess they used to have. Next thing I know, I am being whooshed away to this house on 3091 Williamsburg Drive. Heidi became Mama, Joe became Daddy, Brianna became Sister and Jonathon was Big Brother Jon-Jon and Ryan was Little Brother Ry-Ry. My new family was “born.”
As my fifth birthday approaches on June 26, I have reflected on how I have really enjoyed my time here and how I really love my family. But I gotta tell you, all these humans keep coming and going from our house a lot lately and it’s got me a bit puzzled. I’m just glad my best friends Penny, Bentley and Tucker are around to keep me sane!
First my big brother Jon-Jon packed up and left. He had come back in March 2020 from some place really far away. I think it was called something like Pawla Alpo California. It was when all you humans started getting sick because of some crazed bat in China. It was great having him around because he liked to go with me and my dog buddy Watson and his big brother James for hikes up Shingletown and Musser Gap and at Scotia Range. Jon-Jon loved going with me to BackAchers in Tidioute, where we’d go crickin’ and splashing around in the Agalany River with Cousin Travis.
I was really getting used to having Jon-Jon back, then suddenly, boom, he up and moved to this big city with a White House and some Capitol Building. It’s where all these old people are always yelling at each other and making promises to the humans they very seldom keep. I stayed at his new apartment in the Navy Yard once and had to keep getting in this box and the door closed and when it opened, we were some place different. It freaked me out! I looked out the window and it was a long way down to the nearest fire hydrant. I was thinking, we ain’t in State College anymore Fido!
It was OK though because I still had my big sister Brianna around. Next to Big Joe, she’s my best pal and I liked hanging out in her bedroom while she was working from home. Next thing you know she finds out she must move to Columbus, Ohio for work. My sister, “Miss Nittany Lion” moving to “The worst state ever?” But at the last minute some guy that used to play hockey at Penn State for Big Joe called and she was saved from Buckeye-land! I was happy for her, but she did end up getting transferred to Alexandria, Virginia. It meant I didn’t have anyone to snuggle up with and watch humans doing silly things on that flat screen thing you all call a TV.
Well, there was still hope. Even though my little brother “Ry-Ry,” who was a college junior at Penn State, moved someplace else in town with his human friends in some “Beaver Canyon” apartment closer to the university, at least he came home to see me a lot. Probably had something to do with the home-cooked meals Mama Heidi would make him!
Last March, Big Daddy, Mama, Ry-Ry and I went on a really long trip to where I was supposedly born in “Sa-Kerlina.” It was during something called spring break. I kept hearing I’m going “home.” We were staying at a friend’s house near a beach on an island called Hilton Head. We were there in part to check out a new house Big Daddy and Mama were building in Bluffton. When we got there, I didn’t see any house. I heard Joe call it a slab and he looked at me and said this is going to be my new room with a great view of a lagoon. Lagoon? Looked like a giant bathtub to me,
When we visited Joe’s pal Dave Reese’s house, I got to run around on this sand stuff that was soft, then it was kinda hard and wet, then it was just wet. In fact, it was like the biggest pool I ever saw! They called it the Lantik Ocean. All I know is the water in that big pool was really salty. Yuk!
I started getting more suspicious that some big change was coming when some guy named Bob Langton kept coming over and meeting with Big Joe and Mama Heidi and they were talking about selling something big. Then there was a sign in our front yard with this guy Bob’s picture on it. Like who does he think he is anyway? Well, for the next few days all these people started coming over to the house that I had never seen before.
On the bright side, I got to hang out with my best friend Penny and her family Chrissy, Tim and Hadley Fritton a lot during that time.I love going over there because they just open the back door anytime Penny and I want to go play and we just run around in their big back yard. A few weeks go by, and that Bob guy’s sign is gone. But now all these boxes, blankets, rolls of tape and other moving supplies start showing up. Something seems amiss.
Next thing I know Ry-Ry and Dad are putting a bunch of stuff in the Camry and they are all hugging and crying and saying goodbye. I’m like, now what’s going on? I hear them talking about driving one of my favorite cars a long way away to Minneapolis, Minnesota. Ry-Ry is spending the summer there doing an internship with my favorite Uber car that Big Daddy usually uses to drive with me to Tudek.
This past weekend it got really weird in the house. There are all these bags, boxes, bungee cords, tape, big rubber bands and blankets. All my favorite toys ended up in some box. Then there is something called bubble wrap which gives me the creeps because it pops every time I step on it. The other day I went upstairs to Big Daddy’s bedroom and the bed where I always like to nap was gone. I mean, like what the heck! They took the bed! On a positive note the basement was suddenly empty of all furniture and belongings, and Joe came down and was playing catch with me a lot. I got to work out running back and forth and didn’t have to worry about knocking anything over. It was a blast!
The humans that come to visit are always talking about this Sakeralina place. They keep saying it will be sunny and warmer but I kinda like running around in the snow in the winter especially with my pal Tucker Terrizzi out in our back yard. I also hear them talking about coming back for football games, whatever that is, and Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. I do know those days because I get to see my dog cousins Abby and Ralphie and eat lots of leftovers.
Just not sure it’s gonna be quite the same. I like driving on Blue Course Drive on the way to Tudek with the windows down and letting the cool breeze smack me in my face. I guess in Sakeralina I get to ride in something called a golf cart over to the dog park in the new neighborhood. I saw some of the other dogs riding on those things and ain’t no way you’re getting me on one of those contraptions! I guess I will have to make new friends at the Argent Lakes dog park and on Daisy Lane. I hear Heidi say she likes our new street name while Big Joe isn’t so thrilled. It’s just a name, so chill out big guy.
Everyone keeps saying we’re going to be coming back and spending summers here in something called a condo. Big Joe keeps saying he wants “lock and go, no maintenance living.” I hope that means he isn’t planning on getting rid of me.
By the way, I am the unofficial guardian of the bike path and the sidewalk of Williamsburg Drive. So, if I ever growled at you, it wasn’t personal. I take my job seriously even though big Joe gets upset with me occasionally and says, “Lighten up, Francis.” Still not sure who Francis is.
I hope Big Daddy Joe keeps his promise and brings me back to this home a lot because I am gonna miss all the doggies at Tudek and my friends in the neighborhood.
Anyway, it sounds like I’m going “home” whether I like it or not. Maybe some of my friends will get to come visit me in “Sakeralina.” I hope so!
