Finding and sticking with “the one” takes commitment, love, respect, laughter, fate, and a little bit of luck. These three long-married couples living in the Centre County region share their memories of their lives together and advice for others.
Mark and Paula (Tancrell) Brackenbury
They say you’ll find love when you aren’t looking. Mark Brackenbury was twenty-six years old and working as a reporter in Connecticut when he briefly met Paula, a reporter for a competing newspaper.
“I wasn’t looking to settle down,” Mark says. Neither was forty-one-year-old Paula, who had two daughters and was going through a divorce.
They met again later, this time covering the same court trial. The two began having lunch, talking about the day’s proceedings. Their lunches grew into a deep friendship, which Paula says helped her through the stressful time.
After many lunches, Mark asked Paula to meet for pizza, and they ended the night dancing.
“And he bent down, and he kissed me, and that was it. I was sold,” Paula says.
The two dated for two-and-a-half years before marrying in June 1988. Today, they are enjoying retirement with friends and neighbors as well as with their two daughters and four grandchildren. They moved to Happy Valley in 2016 after traveling since the mid-1990s to tailgate at home football games at Penn State, Mark’s and their daughter’s alma mater. “We have a really close group of friends here,” Paula says. “We’re always doing something.”
Spending quality time together keeps their relationship strong. Paula says it’s the little things that matter.
“It’s kind of corny but we never leave the house without kissing each other goodbye. Always a kiss in the morning and a kiss at night,” Paula says.
Mark adds, “At times, it’s easy to take things for granted. As we’ve gotten older, we take less for granted.”
Taking the time to connect has always been a priority. Paula began her career as a special education teacher before leaving to work as a journalist. She returned to education after she met Mark, while he remained working nights in the newsroom.
Paula would wait to eat dinner with Mark when he arrived home after work, usually after nine or ten o’clock. She’d stay up with him to connect before going to bed and then waking up at five the next morning.
“I don’t think I fully appreciated that at the time,” Mark says. “That was really amazing that she would wait to have dinner until I came home.”
The Brackenburys credit a similar New England and familial upbringing for their closeness. That and their love for sports—they are diehard Boston Red Sox, New York Giants, and of course Penn State fans.
They love to travel to both new and familiar places and revisit memories from their past. They’ll often try to book the same hotels they stayed in before and do similar activities.
“It’s still very romantic and important to us,” Paula says.
Their advice to young couples is to spend time together doing activities you both enjoy.
Jerry and Kathey (Workman) Bernhard
The Bernhards met as teens, set up by mutual friends.
“My best friend was dating one of his best buddies and thought we should meet,” Kathey says.
They went to a carnival and decided to meet for a date the next night. The couples went on a double date to the Clearfield County Fair, and on the way home Jerry fell asleep. Kathey was less than thrilled but decided to give him a second chance.
They’ve been together for forty-two years and will celebrate their thirty-seventh wedding anniversary in September. Today, they’re travelers and proud grandparents.
Their idea of what marriage looks like has changed over the decades. Jerry credits his wife for her patience as he matured. He says he spent a lot of time participating in community and sports activities when he should have spent more time at home.
“He grew up and I calmed down,” Kathey explains. She says they were one of the first couples in their friend group to get married, so they were among the first to navigate the transition to adulthood and raising a child.
The Bernhards married young—Jerry was twenty-two and Kathey nineteen. They recalled the difficulties of living paycheck to paycheck, sometimes scraping money together to buy diapers for the week for their daughter.
“We had very good support systems with my parents and her parents,” Jerry says.
Both say some of the most challenging times have been those of loss and unknown. Jerry recently retired, an impactful change to their day-to-day routines. They’ve leaned on each other most when grieving the loss of parents, grandparents, and friends.
“Events like that bring you a little closer,” Kathey says.
They are grateful for those hard years and now enjoy traveling and being active grandparents with their four-year-old granddaughter, Cora.
“She’s made me appreciate things more since she’s been around,” Jerry says.
The couple says spending time both together and apart keeps their marriage strong. They encourage each another to be involved in activities related to their own interests.
“That’s a big part of being married as long as we have,” Jerry says. “I encourage her to do more than she does.”
“He’s my social butterfly,” Kathey adds.
The Bernhards have built a community of support through camping and community activities.
“We’ve surrounded ourselves with a lot of good people over the years,” Jerry says.
The couple says respect, patience, and commitment are all keys to their four decades together.
As for the future, the Bernhards are hoping for longevity, good health, and many more moments spent with their family and traveling.
Herb and Marian (Shumaker) Reed
It was a Saturday night and Herb Reed was on leave from the Air Force, driving back to Punxsutawney with a carful of friends when they stopped in Peoria, Illinois, for a bite to eat.
As they walked down the street, they stopped to look at the rings in the window of a jewelry store. Herb decided to go in, inquiring about one particular ring. He asked the salesman how much and didn’t have enough with him to buy it. The men he was with said they’d help him out.
“I came out of there with a $200 engagement ring,” Herb, now ninety-three, recalls. “I only had $50 in my pocket, but I was indebted to my friends.”
He gave that ring to his high school sweetheart, Marian, now ninety-four. They quickly planned a wedding and married two weeks later on Christmas Day 1951. Marian shared advice given to her during the short planning period.
“You can take two weeks to get ready for a wedding or two years. It’s what you make it,” she says.
Herb was young enough that he had to bring his mother with them to the courthouse to sign the marriage license.
He’d ship out a few weeks later to Newfoundland and St. John’s, Canada, where Marian would eventually join him. They rented a room in a house owned by a Newfoundland couple.
“That was our first home, one bedroom,” Marian says. The running joke on base was that all of the GIs’ wives would return home with a sealskin coat or a new baby. “I thought I’d get both.”
The couple separately returned home after the birth of their daughter and the conclusion of his assignment. Back in the States, Herb would work a few more military assignments before being discharged. He decided to pursue work and then education to become a schoolteacher. Teaching would eventually lead the family to Centre County, where they’ve lived for more than fifty-five years.
“It’s been an interesting life for us,” the duo agrees.
Herb and Marian’s love story showcases their devotion to each other, family, community, and faith.
They say the biggest challenges they faced in their marriage were when separated while Herb was away at school to gain more credentials for work while Marian ran the home and took care of their five children. They also pointed to navigating health issues, including open heart surgery for Herb and sudden illness for one of their children.
“I think that did shake us,” Herb says. “We weren’t expecting anything like that.”
“Sometimes it takes something like that to really make you think what is important in life,” Marian says.
Ultimately, the Reeds say they’ve been blessed. The duo has enjoyed retirement since the 1990s. They have enjoyed golfing, walks with friends, time with family, and vacations.
“Time continues to march on, and it’s whether or not you choose to keep pace with it or if you want to sit back home and be away from everyone and not be involved,” Herb says.
Nowadays, they spend time together drinking coffee, reading the paper, reading daily devotionals, and keeping up with their children and a growing clan of grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Herb bowls, and each month Marian bakes a cake for the Lions Club that is delivered with a piece missing; her husband likes to taste it before she gives it away.
Herb and Marian hope for more of the same as their love story continues. They both share advice for young couples.
Marian says not to go to bed angry and to have a good sense of humor. And Herb’s keys to a long marriage?
“Longevity, family, friends, faith, and being active,” he says. “Marry a patient wife.” T&G
Hannah Pollock is a freelance writer in State College.
