A few months ago, I read a quote on social media that immediately sparked attention in my spirit and has stayed with me ever since.
“Comparison is the ultimate form of self-loathing.”
In all of the self-help books I have read and in my personal and professional life, I have never heard comparison described in this way. Stop and let that really sink in and infuse your spirit with insight and wisdom. When you compare yourself to someone else, you are participating in self-loathing.
To see comparison described this way really made me stop and reflect on this topic. What immediately came to mind was the summer I spent renting a summer share in a beachy town with a group of other single women. We would work all week and head to the beach on the weekends, hoping to find love in the sun and sand.
My good friend Jules had this amazing way of getting guys to talk to her. We all agreed she was the MVP of scoping out potential matches. She coined her magic strategy the “eye lip.” She would walk past a cute guy she wanted to talk to and look directly into his eyes and then gaze down at his lips. It was absolutely fascinating to watch; each time she cast her spell, the guy would come talk to her as if he were in a trance. I was amazed and determined to master the eye lip.
I had her give me a few lessons and each weekend I watched her like a hawk, taking in every move so I could copy her perfectly. The only problem was, I was not Jules. In fact, the first time I tried the eye lip, my contact flipped upside down in my eye, causing me to trip and spill my drink all over my target. Not exactly the picture of seduction.
After a few weekends of failing miserably at the eye lip, I was exhausted and feeling discouraged. I remember sharing my frustration with Jules and her response was something that I have thought about throughout the years. She said, “Well, I have the eye lip and you have the thing you do with the head tilt and the smile; that’s your thing!”
I was shocked I even had a thing. She told me it was this adorable way of engaging with someone I may have a slight interest in, and it was always a hook.
We didn’t have the same secret powers; we had very different ones, but both ones worked because they reflected our individual personalities.
There is only one you in the entire world. Don’t be an eye lip if you are a head tilt. Be you! Don’t waste time trying to model someone else; spend time nurturing your authenticity and share your light with all who are blessed enough to know you.
We all carry a secret power within us that helps us shine brightly. Embrace your power and your uniqueness and stop the self-loathing that comparison breeds.
You are worth it!
Meghan Fritz is a psychotherapist practicing in State College. To download your free audio course on attraction and relationships, visit changeyourstoryllc.com and enter code T & G.
